Angelina's funeral

Yesterday was our baby girl's funeral. Yes, she was born on April 1 and yesterday was the funeral. We chose to do the hospital funeral and they only do it 3 times a year, so we were at their mercy for the timing.

It was a hard, but special day. We were surrounded with love and support and what more can you ask for? We went to the gravesite service--there was a casket--and after the hospital did their portion, we stepped off to the side where we did our own mini service. My dad spoke and did a remarkable job and then Taylor dedicated the gravesite as Angelina's final resting place and bore his testimony. It was wonderful. I'm grateful for their examples and worthiness.

Taylor's brother Cam and Clayton and mom Suzanne came. (And his dad and wife but I didn't get a picture). I know more of Taylor's siblings wished to be there, which we know and understand, so we were grateful to have who we did.

Taylor and I....it was weird taking pictures...to smile or not to smile?

My parents and Taylor and I.

The casket. A majority of those flowers on the casket are from our group. The headstone says "In Loving Memory of our Babies" And then has a scripture that says, "I will never forget you. I have written your name in the palm of my hand. Isaiah 49:16"

It was a beautiful day and a beautiful service. I have had a very emotional and hard time leading up to the funeral. Every time I thought about the funeral I would fight back emotion, so I knew the actual day would be hard. And it was emotional yesterday--we had to bury our baby girl--how would that be easy? There is a sense of empty arms...a sense of lost opportunity...

I didn't think I needed "closure." I thought our experience in the hospital when she was born and the peace we felt was like our closure. But perhaps that peace helped us especially get through the first few weeks--perhaps the hardest weeks. But I learned yesterday that I really did need closure. The funeral was just what I needed. I was emotional for most of it and then it was like all of sudden, I was ok. Angelina was ok. We would be ok. Angelina's full name is Angelina Joyce Housley. The first part of her name is "Angel" and "Joy" and she truly is just that. (We didn't notice that until a week or so after we named her). She is our angel and she is joy. And I felt that yesterday....that joy we will have when we see her again.

I know I can do hard things. I know we can do hard things. We have been strengthened by the Lord in all things and I am grateful to know that He cares about what we go through, how we feel, what our burdens are. I know Angelina is in a better place and that she is looking over us. I pray every night that we will feel her presence on earth, on this side of the veil. I know she is watching over us and I know we must live in a way that is righteous that we may return to live with her and our Heavenly Father for eternity.

I wouldn't trade this special experience for anything. Our family has grown--while not visible to the public eye--it surely has. She is a special girl that is just too special to come to this earth at this time. Speaking as a mother, I love her and I treasure the time I did have with her. We will forever miss her, but forever think of her and pray about her, for she is a member of our family.

I am grateful the Lord entrusted this trial and this blessing in our lives. I am truly grateful.