I haven’t just sat down and written in a long time…so with both boys asleep, hubby off home teaching and Lion House Rolls rising, there isn’t a better time than now.
My recent posts have been of the “update” nature, and while this post wasn’t inspired to do that, there have been many updates in our house lately. Namely, we sold our black lab, Cougar, yesterday. He has been trained to be a hunting dog and unfortunately his life lately has consisted of going back and forth between his inside kennel and outside kennel, so he has been running off on us recently. So his new home is with Rocky Mountain Roosters—the place where the boys go hunting. So Taylor and my dad will be able to hunt with him whenever they go and see him, so it’s the best of both worlds. And yes, we plan to get a new dog, but a MUCH smaller dog that can be inside and fun for the boys.
Next, we finally sold my XTerra (Hallelujah!) and drum roll please…bought a MINIVAN! Ha! I am seriously SO excited about it! It’s just more practical for us and allows room to grow our family. It will be delivered this Thursday, and let me tell you, Thursday can’t come soon enough!! A HUGE shout out to my dad for letting me drive his truck while we were selling my car on the dealers lot—having a vehicle for me made the last 10 weeks bearable! So thank you!
And on to the point of this post…last night was the adult session of our Stake Conference. We were privileged to have a general authority in attendance. He shared a story that just resonated with me and I hope to share it adequately here. His daughter had shared a story (I assume it was through a blog) and it started off by saying she was at the store and saw some jewelry boxes -- the ones that when you open there is a ballerina twirling with music playing. There were two sizes -- big and small -- and I believe you could get some that even had a lock and key to go with it. She has two girls and thought she would grab the two big ones and give them as Christmas gifts. As she was checking out she knew how excited her girls were going to be about these and then she remembered that their cousin had a birthday party coming up and that she would grab the smaller jewelry box as the gift. Later that night, as the girls were going to bed, she told them that she picked up a gift for their cousin. They asked what it was, and she told them and showed it to them. The older daughter, who was 4 years old, just broke out into tears when she saw it. The mother said that her daughter was inconsolable and crying for thirty minutes. (I could relate to that with a 4 year old myself!) The reason for her tears was because she wanted one too. Her mother, knowing that she already bought the bigger one for her daughter, told her that maybe she would be getting a better one for her birthday or Christmas. But her daughter said, "But that one is perfect."
The mother continued in her story by saying that that experience taught her that sometimes we want something so bad and think that is what we want, when in reality our Father in Heaven may have something bigger and better in store for us.
This sister, in particular, really wants a house. And in her story she said after this experience with her daughter, "I really want a house, but instead I have a child with cancer (Her son). Perhaps there is something better in store for me."
That story was so powerful to me that I really wanted to record it. The point of the story was that we do not always know what is ahead for us, and what will happen or when something will happen. But I have faith in my Savior that He knows what is best for me and He will bless me more than I can wish or conjure up. And like the mother in the story, she may or may not get a house, she may or may not get what she thinks is perfect, but I believe and know that she will get what is absolutely perfect and best for her and her family through exercising faith in the Savior, Jesus Christ, and that knowledge gives me great hope. I am grateful that Christ knows me and wants the best for us -- if we endure and trust in Him!
Also tied into this thought is my own personal experience this past week. It seemed like in the space of a short time, I ran into multiple people that I haven't seen in a long time and the typical question came up of "What's new?" Or "What do you do?" Again, it's such a simple question, but I felt like my answer was so inadequate, so meager. I felt like I had nothing profound or exciting to say, that as I thought about my days and what I do, all I could say was, "I'm just a mom." I couldn't say that I was the president of the PTA, or running marathons, or teaching dance, or running a dance studio. I felt like I had no extraordinary talents to share. All I could think about was the tasks I had to do as "the mom" -- the grocery trips, the constant task of feeding our boys throughout the day and the follow-up need to clean those meals up, and the laundry, and the cleaning ... etc... everything that goes into "being the mom." I had my "vent session" one night, knowing full-well that I just needed to talk about it and I'd be better by morning. I was better by morning, but it was still on my mind. I read my scriptures, listened to uplifting music, and read the Ensign -- all with this topic on my mind. I felt renewed peace and strength. I also spoke to some good friends about it. One could relate and that always helps to know you're not the only one feeling like that. And then another friend, who after thinking about this, said to me, "You know, I think that's Satan's way of getting to us." And she was absolutely right. I know the divine role of motherhood, and I am so grateful to be a mom. It is AMAZING how if I look for it and ask for the help from Christ, he has blessed me with numerous opportunities to feel his love and strength in regards to my feelings on this. Just today, as I was in the halls at church trying to get Beau asleep, I came across this phrase that gave me such purpose in my role as a mother -- "dedicated to our marriage, family, and home." Simple, right? but the word "dedicated" is so powerful and strikes such thoughts of action in my mind.
I am grateful to be a mother, I know that growing my family is the phase of life I am in right now and with that comes spit up, crying, some sleepless nights, tantrums, and dirty diapers. But also, the sweet moments come as well, just today, I was holding Beau and Isaac came up and I kissed Isaac's cheek, then I kissed Beau's cheek, and Isaac kissed Beau and Isaac kissed my cheek and in that moment, Isaac wrapped his arms around Beau and me and said "I love my family." And then went over to Taylor and gave him a big kiss, too. Those are special moments, and I am grateful to be a mom. Next time I am asked what I do, instead of saying, "I'm just a mom." I will say, "I AM a mother!"
